it’s an inside job

I struggle, like most humans, with the basic questions. Am I loveable? Am I valued? What has happened for me over the years is that I have been forced over and over again to go deeper within to find the answers to those questions. I would love so very much to have that one person or experience give me the final answer once and for all. But alas, that is not how “it” has worked for me. I have been nudged, pushed, enticed, beckoned, hoodwinked and otherwise maneuvered into a space where it is me and the Divine. Alone.

Each time I have arrived in this rarely sought, familiar place, I have had to sink deeper into my own longing without the need for answers or solutions. A trusted mentor calls it “living in the question.” I have come to agree. We spoke at length this week about the word “longing.” A word that I have dreaded over the past several years, but have come to appreciate and embrace. I originally felt like that word was mocking me for all the chances I had not taken in my life and all the ways I might have settled. But I have come to truly appreciate the idea of longing. It is the core of my being. The gooey center that defines my heart’s desire.

For the past couple of days, I have noticed others dancing with their own longing and seeking answers outside of that gooey center. I don’t think the answers are there. There are clues there, maybe, and some signposts about which road to explore, but the answers live in the calm deep waters of my soul.

Happily, this week, I was reminded of the intriguing poet John O’Donahue who wrote an entire poem called “for longing”. I leave you with this snippet, which particularly speaks to my heart: “…May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.”

Gather your courage and step boldly into the wild unknown richness that is your longing.